He’s just not that into you

in hate, lies, love

So you have broken up with someone and you haven’t been crying at all? You are questioning yourself if you really felt for them? Or you are thinking ‘WOW! I am so strong’…

Whisk those thoughts away…honey! you are in denial! nothing else. Give it sometime to settle and you’ll know..it’ll hit you like a hurricane.

However hard you try, break ups are never clean (except for when its mutual) . It’s always easy to dump a person and ask them to move on coz you already have! And you are dying to get out there and do your own thing. Feel the fresh air hit your lovely mane. You feel like royality since you broke up with them. You have won it! Now havent you? (Not really)

But we all have to be on the recipient side someday. Karma bites our asses hard. Ahh! Being dumped sucks! It makes you feel like pond scum. It makes you wanna go hide in your closet forever. Your ego is crushed to pieces.

But if its making you feel that your life is over , slap yourself 13 times like RIGHT NOW!!

Coz Sugar, your life has just started..face it and move on…Now it’s gonna take sometime (depending on how much you want to get back into track)…A friend of mine says it takes 1/3rd of the actual relationship time to get over the break up. Am not so sure about that though…could be true. If you just dont wanna accept that its over…stop reading this…and go mope in some dungeon! (No one gives a rat’s ass frankly!)

Okay so you do want to get over this weird phase?? GOOD! Now every break up goes through stages. For the break-uper its just one stage : ‘WOOOHOOOO ! Am Free Bitches!’

But for the break-upee it goes like this:

STAGE ONE: ‘ IT’S GOTTA BE A JOKE’

Whaat?? Are you kidding? There’s no way in hell he’s ending this? I am not single! This is a big mistake! It’s probably a nightmare! Yeah!

You sleep on it only to wake up to a crappier day. It’s not a dream. It is happening. Funny you did not see it coming. So you make frantic calls to your ex ‘no way he is still my boyfriend’ and ask him to explain. Each time he tells you a newly spun story and you are all the more confused. You decide to shush up and give him sometime. And in the mean time you call your buddies for comfort.You are still in denial.

STAGE TWO: ‘DAMN! IT’S TRUE!’

The time has helped him ease out even more coz now he thinks you are FINE with the arrangement. (WHOOPS! The Plan has backfired hasnt it?) Well…Now what? You start backtracking on the recent happenings and it dawns to you that he wasnt into you for a long time. Ahh! You were so blind! You realize that its over but that realization is short-lived. Coz suddenly the Universe starts playing with your head. Your times with him come back to you in flashes. You are ready to work it out. Ready to bargain. You just cant let go. Not yet.

STAGE THREE: ‘THE CRAZIES’

This is a recurring stage. Everything reminds you of him. And you imagine he is missing you too. So you text/call him. Analyse every teeny weeny bit of information you get about him. You show up at his place. You remind him of all the promises he made. You lose it completely. You make him think you are a total whackjob! (Big Difference! Let him gloat at his temporary calm self. The day he is dumped he’ll know)

STAGE FOUR: ‘MY SELF RESPECT IS INTACT’

He’s been a total jerk. They say you can always judge a man by the way he ends a relationship. He’s not worth your time or your attention and you are lucky it’s over.You can see how many people actually love you and that you are simply awesome. So you decide to be the better person here and move on with grace! You give yourself time now and plan out what you want to do with your life..

You had a good time with him and now it’s over. Cool! WOW! You have done it!! YAY!

HOGWASH!

STAGE FIVE: ‘MAJOR CRAZIES’

He has been spotted partying! He has been spotted at the movies. His facebook page is revamped and it’s like a total new avatar!! What? He is not allowed to have a life when I am moping here! You do something totally lame and stupid. He doesnt react the way you expected him too. He doesnt care. And you are spent. It’s like talking to a bloody wall.

STAGE SIX : ‘BITTERNESS’

You clear everything that reminds you of him. Your space is yours now. You curse him for being a loser. You curse yourself for falling for him. You join the ‘Anti-Men’ campaign. You are giving yourself enough time by now but somehow you are so full of spite that you are not happy. You are clobbering yourself ! It’s way too much pressure!!! AAAAAAAAAAAH! %$^$^#$@#%$&^@#@!$

STAGE SEVEN : ‘TASTE SALT??’

You shed your first tear and very soon you are howling away to complete misery. You look like a truck’s run over you. Your friends are worried coz they thought you were doing really well. But you don’t care. You don’t wanna talk about it. You don’t wanna see anyone. You just wanna sleep on that wet pillow and sniff and snort. And this is when you learn to soothe yourself. Actually reflect and realize. Shed every single bit of restrained emotion. Lift your guard up and just be human.

You loved him so you have the right to grieve. You are not weak!! You did not want this. You were a 100% in it so obviously it will be difficult for you! You need to weep in order to move on. You need to!

STAGE EIGHT: ‘COMPLETE FREEDOM’

There’s absolutely nothing left for you to do now except move on and get a life! Yeah! Say bye-bye to puffy eyes! Go to a spa! Get a crazy haircut. Get a new look for the season. Hit the gym! Get a new hobby! Go out and make new friends! Socialize!!!

Personal Tip:
Do not dive into a new relationship. BAD IDEA! And go easy on the drinks please!

AND REMEMBER YOU ARE SINGLE! AND THERE IS HOTNESS EVERYWHERE

Words- Urvashi Marda

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